Quick Szechuan Chicken

2 large chicken breasts, boned and cut into bite-size pieces
1/2 can coconut milk (don't open the can yet!)
3/4 cup hot tap water or stock
handful peanuts
1 Tbsp miso paste
1 tsp chunky rooster sauce
1 Tbsp garlic powder
1 thumb fresh ginger, peeled and diced
3/4 cup frozen peas
1 Tbsp oil
Rice or pasta

Put the peanuts into a small Ziploc bag and use the unopened can of coconut milk to smash them into little pieces. Pour the peanuts into a bowl. Open the can and mix the coconut milk, chunky rooster sauce, garlic powder, and diced ginger. Whisk the miso into the hot water or stock until dissolved and combine.

Heat the oil in a skillet or saucier over a medium-high flame. Add the chicken and brown, 1-2 minutes on each side. Reduce heat to medium, pour in the miso-coconut mixture, and poach, covered, for 5 minutes. Uncover and poach for an additional 5 minutes. Add the frozen peas and poach for another 4 minutes.

Serve over rice or pasta, and sprinkle with peanut pieces.

Tandoorish Chicken

1/2 c Bulgarian yogurt (runny)
juice of half a lemon
1/4 c coconut cream
1 T honey
4 cloves garlic, diced
1 T prepared curry paste
1 t ground cumin
1 t hot paprika
1/2 t fresh grated nutmeg
1/8 t fresh grated cinnamon
1/2 t ground turmeric
pinch kosher salt

3-5 chicken leg quarters

Mix the ingredients together in a glass bowl. Leave it at room temperature for half an hour or so to let the flavors marry before tasting, then adjust seasoning as thou wilt.

Separate the chicken into legs and thighs. Skin them and trim off excess fat. What will you do with all that fat and skin, you ask? Oh my fucking god, I answer, make cracklins! These are seriously awesome. They're only about a zillion times better than popcorn as a munchie, and thirty gajillion times better than bacos for a salad or potato topping.

Stab the chicken thoroughly and make some shallow knife slits as well. Put it in a heavy-duty Ziploc, pour in the marinade, squeeze out as much of the air as you can, seal, and put in the fridge for at least 6 hours, but no longer than 24.

Real tandoori bakes in a clay oven at over 600F. If you happen to have a clay oven handy that'll get that hot, good for you. If not, you can use a covered charcoal grill with the grill rack at least 5 inches from the coals, or just broil at 475F for 20-30 minutes until the temperature in the center of the thighs reaches 170F.

Serve with Completely Inauthentic Indian Potatoes And Peas.

Completely Inauthentic Indian Potatoes and Peas

2 medium potatoes, large cube
1/2 cup frozen peas
1 T toasted sesame oil
2 T tomato paste
2 T water
1 T white wine vinegar
1 T coconut cream
3 cloves garlic, smashed and diced
kosher salt
dried chile flakes or hot sauce to taste

Here's my attempt to make something that will pass for a South Asian side dish when the  kitchen is bereft of coriander, cardomon, garam masala...not even any ginger, for FSMs sake! (I had some but turned out it was sharing a bag with something that was blue, mushy, hairy, and completely unidentifiable by the time I found it. Sometimes that's just how it goes.)

Saute the potatoes in the oil with a pinch of salt, tossing frequently until slightly browned. Add garlic, toss and saute for another minute. Don't let the garlic burn! Reduce heat, add vinegar, tomato paste, water, and coconut cream. Simmer for 15 minutes. Add frozen peas, simmer for another 10 minutes. Adjust seasoning.

Curried Seitan With Vegetables

So, I'm not a big fan of seitan - done right and in some kind of stew application it's nearly indistinguishable from meat, so what's the point?

Well, if you've ever despaired of communicating what cut of meat you want from a butcher with whom you have no language in common and it's the end of a long, hot, sticky day and your air conditioner keeps freezing up and leaking water all over your coffee table, and you just don't have the energy to deal with One. More. Thing, you'd understand the point.

I started with this recipe, adapted for my preferences and on-hand.

8 ounces beef flavor seitan
2 T oil
8 oz mushrooms, coarsely chopped
1/2 bell pepper cut in large squares
1 onion, sliced
2 green onions, sliced in 1-inch lengths

marinade:
dash coconut cream
dash Worcestershire sauce
1/2 T green curry paste
1 T peanut butter
1 oz fond
juice of 1/2 lemon
splash water

curry sauce:
2 T green curry paste
1 can coconut cream
dash Worcestershire sauce
1 T chunky rooster sauce
3 large cloves garlic, smashed and minced

Mix up the marinade in a large bowl; cut up the seitan and let it marinate while preparing the curry sauce. Mix the sauce ingredients in a saucepan and bring to a simmer over low heat.

Meanwhile, brown the seitan with the marinade in the oil in a skillet over medium-high heat. When the sauce is simmering, add the mushrooms, bell pepper, and onion. When the seitan is well-browned add it as well. Simmer for  10 minutes, add the green onion, and simmer for 5 minutes more.

Serve over starch, rice or cubed potatoes.